A new school year can be an exhausting season for homeschool parents — managing schedules, packing for days out, driving all over town, occupying little ones while you work with the older ones, not to mention keeping the house in order in the midst of science experiences and art projects.
But when we take all of these burdens on our own shoulders, not only do we wear ourselves out, but we can also stunt our children’s growth.
Our primary job as parents is to work ourselves out of a job by coaching our kids to become self-governing and self-sufficient. But that is a process that takes years of training and practice. Back to school is a great time to work on building their independence skills.
Elementary-aged kids can begin learning how to properly care for their clothing and bedrooms. Mom or dad, or an older sibling, can leave unfolded clothing on a kid’s bed for him to fold and put away. Part of his before-bed routine can be tidying up his bedroom.
Middle schoolers can pack their own bags and food for the next day if you’re heading out, and put them by the door. They can also help plan and prep dinner and get the house in order when they’re done with their work for the day. And of course, high school kids can just about everything we can do!
Younger kiddos may still need us to inspect their work. We’re wise to check any bags they pack and make sure they have everything they need. We might want to make sure they didn’t pack just cookies for lunch. Our feedback will help our kids grow independence skills.
A morning routine for elementary-aged kids can include making their bed and learning to do it with excellence. They can help with breakfast and be responsible for cleaning up after themselves before they sit down to work. Once students can read, they can use a checklist to do their work independently.
By middle school, our kids can have an alarm clock and be responsible for waking themselves, making breakfast, and doing a few morning chores before starting their day. By upper middle school, they can even begin mapping out their own school work based on the goals you set with them for the week.
Middle schoolers are also old enough to keep track of supplies for schoolwork, including science experiments and other projects, as well as food preparation and cleaning supplies. They can write these on a family shopping list as they get low.
One helpful way that we can coach our middle schoolers toward greater independence is to schedule a weekly meeting with them where we help them reflect on the previous week and figure out what worked and what didn’t. We can also use the time to help them plan ahead for the upcoming week.
As our kids reach the high school years, weekly meetings can become biweekly or even monthly meetings. By the high school years, our kids should have the skills and the responsibility to run a household.
At this age, we can coach them to move from being independent to being interdependent, adopting a sense of responsibility not just for themselves, but for the family and the larger community as well. They can share in household responsibilities such as grocery shopping, chauffeuring younger children, and maintaining the house, the yard, and the vehicles.
Not only does training our children to take ownership of their lives and their communities help relieve many of our burdens as parents, it also prepares them for success in the adult world.